Choices, control, chaos

I read a recent article that mentioned a recent survey of “hundreds” of women in the U.S. which asked “How do you define success in your life? What would give you a sense of satisfaction and peace?”

I was intrigued. I am now part of the “mommysphere,” but not so long ago I was a single professional woman on a career track as a litigator following in the path, and on the coattails, of a very well respected attorney. So I follow the discussion of “what women want” with some interest.

The women who participated in the survey were all employed, both married and single, kids and no kids. So, I thought, this is a pretty good cross-section of the “working woman” though severely lacking in representation of women who are not employed outside the home. I began to be less intrigued.

The article went on the say that the survey results were not surprising: “The things we most desire in our lives are the things that always seem to lie outside our grasp.” DUH! They needed a survey to figure that out? Isn’t that the state of being of all humans, when we dwell in the “unredeemed” parts of ourselves? Don’t we have a sense of dissatisfaction if we are focused on “me”?

Ok, back to the survey. Apparently this survey suggested that women value four principles which are the “keys to satisfaction and contentment”: time, balance, control, and purpose. Again, no surprise there. (They could have paid me the money they paid to organize the survey and I think I would have told them the same thing.)

But it got me thinking. We always want more time; time for play, time for reflection, time for sleep, time for God. We rarely, except when a deadline is looming, long for more time at work. But God gave us all 24 hours in each day; therefore He must believe that we can/should accomplish all we need to in that period of time. However, we jam-pack so many things into our day that we feel like we are never done.

The result of all that “jam-packing” is that we all yearn for “balance,” the second of the principles mentioned above. For women it is often balancing career and children (having them, mostly); for men, career and family (spending time with them). But the thought of “balance” has permeated throughout our world. Parents speak of trying to find the balance for their children between extra-curricular activities and down-time. And certainly we are advised to eat a balanced diet.

Of course, finding this balance requires that next value, control. Things in our world don’t balance on their own, they need our help to become that way. Or so we think. Control is also a ubiquitous “value.” Most of the time we feel better if we feel like we control some aspect of our lives. As Christians, we realize that we shouldn’t control anything, although we have choices. If we leave the controlling to God, and put ourselves in His hands, then we can move onto the next “value.”

Purpose. That is a heavy sounding word, isn’t it? Purpose. And in the greater Christian community in this country, the word purpose is tied to Rick Warren’s book. There is still importance in looking at the concept, apart from just his book. Because he was onto something. Our lives mean nothing if we have no purpose other than ourselves. Some people might think of purpose as meaning “having a goal.” Because I am not a goal-directed person, I like to think of purpose as a “deeper meaning.”

What is the deeper meaning of my life? I like the Westminster Shorter Catechism: “Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.” I am trying to spend time this Lenten season finding time and space in my life to worship and glorify God as part of my every day life. I suspect that I will have more time, balance, control (ish), and purpose if I do that.

What is Pride?

St. Augustine on pride:

"Pride is the craving for undeserved glory. And this is undeserved glory: when the soul abandons the One it should cling to for sufficiency and becomes self-reliant.

"This happens when the soul is satisfied with itself. It falls away from the unchangeable good that would satisfy it more than itself. And this falling away is spontaneous.

"For the will should remain in love with the higher, changeless good that illumines it to intelligence and kindles it into love. Then it wouldn't become so dark and cold by turning to find satisfaction in itself.

"We didn't fall so far away that we became absolutely nothing. Instead, by turning toward ourselves, our souls became more secluded than when we clung to the Supreme One. Similarly, to exist in oneself, that is, to be one's own satisfaction after abandoning God, isn't to become a nobody. But, the holy Scriptures designate another name to proud people: 'self-pleasers.'

"Therefore, it is good to lift up the heart. But it isn't good to lift it up to oneself; that is pride. It is good only to lift our hearts up to the Lord, for that is obedience and humility."

—St. Augustine, from City of God, 14.3.

New Beginnings: Part II

So I'm writing this from my new dorm room in Toronto. So far, things are looking good and God is giving me the grace to make it through the day somewhat intact. I do feel a bit anxious about being in a new place, but all in all, God continues to sustain me.

Earlier this evening, we had a fantastic time of worship and introduction. We talked about how this time was a time of transplantation. This is, of course, very literal in my case, but what areas of our lives do we need to let God dig up and plant somewhere new? There are dying, shriveled little seeds that just need to be exposed to a little son-shine in order for them to blossom and grow into the fullness of God's appointed purpose. I think part of Lent is about recognizing those areas and giving God permission to transplant them. Sometimes our ideas and our desires that never seem to get anywhere are good, it's just that they just aren't firmly rooted in God's love. Will you allow Him to transplant your withered parts to the rich soil of His love?

Well, I'm very tired and need some rest. Love and blessings to all those back home.

Knock that door down

Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with Me. (Rev 3:20 NAS77)

I've been taught that we should look at the context of a verse to better understand its meaning and how to apply it to our lives. Verse 3:20 of Revelation is near the end of Jesus words for the churches at Ephesis, Smyrna, Pergamum, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia, Laodicia. He is speaking to the believers of the age and offering them encouragement, counsel and correction. The final verses of chapter 3 seem to summarize Jesus words for all the churches:

Those whom I [dearly and tenderly] love, I tell their faults and convict and convince and reprove and chasten. So be enthusiastic and repent (changing your mind and attitude). (20) Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will eat with him, and he [will eat] with Me. (21) He who overcomes, I will grant him to sit beside Me on My throne, as I Myself overcame and sat down beside My Father on His throne. (22) He who is able to hear, let him listen to and heed what the [Holy] Spirit says to the churches. (Rev 3:19-22 AMP)

I understood why Jesus came to earth to die for my sins about fifteen years ago when I gave my life to Him. I received an amazing gift that, for most of my life, I didn't understand. I realized I needed a savior and accepted Him. But I was a saved Christian who felt like I was alone and still had to make my way through life the best I could. Now that I was saved, it felt like my life got a little harder because I was working my way through the world with more regulations and an even higher standard of living than I had before I was saved. Now I had to live according to the rules of the world (succeed in business, be a good husband, be a good friend) with an added burden of being a Christian (don't even think thoughts of lust, anger, revenge). I began to question what it was, exactly, that I was saved from.

Then I grew to understand that His work didn't stop at salvation, even though that was an amazing and unbelievable thing in and of itself. After a few more years, I realized that I needed continuous help as I walked through life. I remember my first powerful encounter with the Holy Spirit during a shuttle flight between Dulles and Newark Airport. My job had me on that flight at least three times a month at that time and I was feeling very spent and broken. I had determined that I was going to work at this job for ten more years and I would be able to retire with a full pension. Ten more years here and I would be on the gravy train, relaxing on the beaches of Barbados or wherever I felt like relaxing.

But this ten years was beginning to feel like a life sentence. Just a few weeks earlier, I had been offered a job at a small startup company. I wasn't sure what to do; whether to stay on my ten-year retirement track or to risk it all and go for this small company and a whole lot of uncertainty. The little plane was taxiing down the runway and just as the pilot applied throttle for takeoff, I started to pray. This was really the first time I had prayed in my life without having any idea what to do. I was completely at a loss and truly and completely wanted to know what path I should take. As the little turboprop shuddered and hopped off the runway into the air, I prayed to God, "Which job should I take?"

I gave God two options—my current job or this new one. In my mind's eye, I saw a picture of Jesus and me walking along a wooded path, hand in hand. I felt such peace; a peace I hadn't ever felt before. It was absolutely wonderful. We continued to walk, but I couldn't help but wonder what this had to do with my question.

Anyway, as we walked, we came to a fork in the path that, if we continued on as we were, would lead Jesus on the left and me on the right. I kept holding his hand but we quickly started to walk in different directions. Just before I lost my grip on his hands, I heard Him say—"I want you to spend more time with me." My honest and first reaction was—right, but what does that have to do with my question?

As I reclined in my terribly uncomfortable seat, I began to realize that the source of all my anxiety and pain wasn't about the job or which job to take, it was that I wasn't spending time with Him. I wasn't depending on Him as he wants me to. I wasn't seeking Him in my life.

After many examples like this in my life, I am starting to understand what Jesus meant when He said, I must go now, but I am not leaving you as orphans. Jesus didn't leave us alone and without a heavenly parent. His going was necessary for us all to receive the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, the Counselor.

This was a watershed event in my relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit. But I don't hold on to it. I tend to close that door after a while and fall back into my old patterns of dealing with life as if I were an orphan again. When my wife and I were afraid that she might have rabies, we immediately felt fear and anxiety. My wife, within minutes of hearing the news that the first rabies test was inconclusive and actually seemed positive, immediately started to call and email for prayer. She flung the door open and Jesus stepped in. Then Jesus, through his saints on earth, comforted, counseled, and encouraged us so much that we weren't concerned about the test results. We knew that He would be able to take us through anything.

During this Lenten season, may we refuse to live our lives as orphans again. If we feel ourselves slipping into old habits, remember that he is right outside the door. Patiently, lovingly, persistently knocking; gently tapping, hoping that we open the door and let him in. When I do, it is wonderful. I pray that we all learn to never close that door. We are the ones who close it, not Him. May we knock the door down, break off the hinges, and let Him be your Comforter, Counselor, Father, Brother, and Friend.

John and Charles Enter into Heaven

When I was asked to contribute to this daily series, I said it would be an honor—which it is—and that I would be glad to take whatever day of the week I was assigned. Obviously I preferred some days more than others, but I also decided that in the spirit of a season of increased discipline I would accept my assignment as from the Lord and do my timely best whatever the minor inconvenience. As it turned out, providing Monday’s contribution has been an unexpected blessing in a number of ways, not least of which has been the Kalendar—a couple of weeks ago Martin Luther fell on “my” day, and in the week of Lent IV it is the observance of the amazing lives of John and Charles Wesley.

They were the fifteenth and eighteenth children (probably nothing special here—their mother Susannah was the 24th of 24 children) of the Reverend Samuel Wesley, Rector of Epworth, accomplished poet and hymn writer, most of whose output was lost in a fire at Epworth. However great the fortunes of Reverend Sam (and I think these were not so much), the environment into which John and Charles were born meant that the interests of the oldest children took precedence. Even today we have a tendency to give more attention, if not more honor, to the eldest child, and “back in the day” this kind of discrimination was considered to be good, right, and in the normal order of things. So neither John nor Charles would have felt ill-used for being expected to do for themselves, and no one else would have given it a thought.

The value of both the spiritual life and the life of the mind were priorities through many generations of Wesleys, but we know little or nothing about any of the other children of Sam and Sue, including the many older siblings of John and Charles. This isn’t to belittle them—I’m sure they were all good people and contributors to their communities—but to lift up that much more the significant and lasting accomplishments of both John and Charles. I believe it would be fair to say that their enduring legacies continue to touch every branch of the Christian faith, and the real significance for me is that fame and legacy were never their slightest concern. Rather, for John and Charles, "doing for themselves" simply meant that their entire lives were spent in the service of their Lord. They were raised to know in the deepest way what God had already said and done, and their hearts and minds were prepared and ready when God chose to use them. John never set out to create a denomination; Charles never intended to be one of history’s most prolific and well-known hymn writers. They just put their minds, hearts, souls, and strengths into doing what God asked of them, and the results have been a lasting blessing for generations of Christians.

No one can imagine what the final transition actually looks and feels like, but it’s easy to create the scene called “John and Charles Enter into Heaven.” Their greatest concern would be that they hadn’t finished, hadn’t done enough, hadn’t been all they might have been. And the Lord would put His arms on their shoulders and say what we all long to hear: “Well done, good and faithful servants.”

Father God, I can’t be them, or anything like it, but I can be more like them. Their diligence, perseverance, and obedience to Your leading are my desire, but these aren’t my most noticeable character traits. That means that what could be, isn’t, and that’s a choice I’ve made. So I thank You, Father, for all the second chances You give me. Right now, this minute, let me feel You changing me so that diligence, perseverance, and obedience become more than desires. Let these things become realities in me, more and more, so that I can be who You want me to be, more and more. Thank you in advance. Amen.

Jesus suffered with us and for us

As we reflect on His suffering this Lent, consider those who suffer in His Name today.

The situation of Christians in Iran is getting extremely difficult and large numbers are leaving the country. It seems the authorities are happy for Christians to leave, glad for their country to move towards being purely Muslim. However, the apparent strategy for dealing with Christians from a Muslim background is not to let them emigrate but to put pressure on them to make them return to Islam. The Iranian authorities infiltrate churches and threaten and blackmail individual members as well as the leadership. Pray that each Christian in Iran will know the Lord’s presence and guidance every moment of the day.

A new way of harassing Christians has been seen recently in Jakarta, the capital of Indonesia, in a case where Muslim doctors refused to treat Christian patients. This was apparently because the doctors were intimidated by Islamic extremists. Only quarter of a century ago Indonesia was an inspirational example of harmony and equality between Christians and Muslims. Pray that the moderate Muslim majority will resist the pressure from extremists to be hostile to Christians, and will restore the good relations of a generation ago.

When an Italian newspaper listed Algeria among Muslim countries where Christians are oppressed, Algeria’s Religious Affairs Ministry responded, “Christians in Algeria enjoy greater rights and liberties than do Muslims in Christian countries.” The ministry also asserted that the new Algerian law which allows a prison sentence for anyone trying to convert a Muslim to another religion was in accordance with international conventions. From 2000 to 2006 the situation of Christians in Algeria was remarkably good, but things have now deteriorated. Pray for a quick return to freedom and equality.

Jesus suffered with us and for us. As we reflect on His suffering this Lent, consider those who suffer in His Name today.

No one is free when others are oppressed. Author unknown.

Seek to receive grace

A quote for today. Daryl Fenton, who will be preaching this weekend and leading the Lenten Quiet Day, has recommended Dallas Willard's book Renovation of the Heart, so here is a quote from Willard on spiritual formation and the requirement for us to engage our minds and wills to obey Christ:

We must stop using the fact that we cannot earn grace (whether for justification or for sanctification) as an excuse for not energetically seeking to receive grace. Having been found by God, we then become seekers of ever fuller life in him. Grace is opposed to earning, but not to effort. The realities of Christian spiritual formation are that we will not be transformed "into his likeness" by more information, or by infusions, inspirations, or ministrations alone. Though all of these have an important place, they never suffice, and reliance upon them alone explains the now common failure of committed Christians to rise much above a certain level of decency.

At the core of the human being is will, spirit, and heart. This core is reshaped, opening out to the reshaping of the whole life, only by engagement. First, engagement is to act with Christ in his example and his commands: "If you love me, keep my commands," he said, "and I will ask the Father to send you another strengthener, the Spirit of truth" (John 14:15-17). The engagement must come first, followed by the helper insofar as obedience is concerned; as we try, fail, and learn, we engage with the spiritual disciplines. We add whole-life training to trying. We recognize that religious business-as-usual, the recommended routine for a "good" church member, is not enough to meet the need of the human soul. The problem of life is too radical for that to be the solution. We enter into activities that are more suited to our actual life condition and that are adequate to transform the whole self under grace, allowing the intention to live the commands of Christ to pass from will to deed.