Choices, control, chaos – Part 1 ½

Last week I posted on this same topic, and referenced an article which asked women about success and satisfaction and peace. Apparently women want: time, balance, control and purpose. I spent some time on the first three, but ran out of space and energy before really attacking the fourth: purpose.

So, how does that relate to the title of this post? I think that when we try to control our lives, by making “right” choices, but without having a firm foundation of purpose, the result will not be control, but chaos.

We can all think of examples of such a thing, both from a negative (college student deliberately getting drunk in order to fulfill a perceived need for “relationships”, resulting in a chaotic life) and from a theoretically positive (woman gets very involved in church because she wants to have more “meaning”, and just gets busier and more chaotic) viewpoint. In both situations, the person is trying to control some aspect of their life by making deliberate choices. And we can come up with many other examples, probably. And most of us have also probably been guilty of such actions, both positive and negative. Even if we make objectively good choices, often our lives still spin out of control.

The problem with control, as mentioned in the previous post, is that we actually don’t have any. Much, if not most, of the time, we cannot even control our own behavior, much less our thoughts, MUCH less the behavior and thoughts of others. And we certainly can’t control outside forces. And so, if we are desperately trying to make our lives better by just our actions and will, we will fail. And then we will be disappointed. And then we will be hurt. And maybe angry. And maybe bitter. And our lives will remain chaotic.

There is a reason that the first several steps of AA are 1) admitting powerlessness over problems in life; 2) believing that God has the answer; 3) making the decision to turn one’s life over to God.

That is the foundation that we need: God – and believing that He wants a personal relationship with us. If the purpose of our life is to be in close communion with God, and to seek His face with all our heart, it becomes easier and easier to practice that Third Step: daily turning one’s life over to God. Then the choices we make will become more in line with His will for our lives, not our will. The more that we are focused on the Relationship, the less we will feel the need to control our lives. And, although the outcome might not be what we thought that we wanted, it will be what we needed.

Gosh, rereading this, it sounds very pat, and almost trite. But it isn’t. What we need is Him, and more and more of Him every day. We need that more than we need a spouse, a promotion, extra money, a house, or any of the other things that we want, and therefore think we need.*

Father God, let us each seek Your face more every day, and help us learn what it means to truly turn our lives over to you. Amen.

* I am reminded of the words of that famous theologian, Mick Jagger. C’mon now, sing with me: “You can’t always get what you want (etc.). But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.”